Candid Canda

  My husband and I watched a limited series this weekend entitled, Little Fires Everywhere . Peace and harmony may be the goal for most families, but dysfunction is common and insidious and arrives in many forms. Family quarrels, grudges, and estrangements can have lasting effects, sometimes following members into old age. When one family member contends with a problem such as mental illness or alcohol, the entire household is impacted. In a dysfunctional home, there is normally no sense of unity or empathy or boundaries, and members can be highly critical of one another. This is what happened in this series when the mother decided what was correct for all members of her family and not acknowledging that each person within the family unit is individual in thought, action, and deed. I realize after years and years of rationalization, my mother did not love me, let alone like me. My brothers did no wrong and received her love and devotion. The reason why some mothers hate their d...

I love watching the sunrise.  Our world is covered in snow and the sun’s rays glitter across the beautiful fields and colors our surroundings.  It warms my heart and brightens my day! This past week has been a week of realization and courage.  I have had to downplay my thoughts that this is not a world of second changes.  Whatever mistakes that one makes far reach more than the successes.   The mistakes travel far and reaching like a snowball gaining speed on a downhill travel.  Facts are exaggerated, revenge is stated, and the stories become as large as the snowball gaining speed on its downward spiral. Why are there people who wish to squelch one’s desire to move ahead, improve emotionally and intellectually?   Jealously, revenge, self-betrayal?   I was taunted to move ahead in my career and I did.  Yet, a coward decided to contact my new employment and degrade me to my superiors.   Of course, anonymous is a t...

It is natural for people to seek validation.  How we achieve that sense of validation differs from one person to another.  We all constantly battle with the feeling that we are not good enough and we may feel unappreciated.  I believe the feeling of insecurity that accompanies such state of mind is almost universal and may happen more when one is young.  Some people attempt to rectify that feeling of insecurity by being vocal about their accomplishments. There is something magical about human communications.  We can vocalize our thoughts and make them tangible and part of the collective memory.  We "brag" about ourselves because we subconsciously seek to create a certain image of ourselves in the mind of the audience which aligns with our own sense of self worth.  For many of us, our accomplishments have no value unless it seems to impress our peers.  It is just an attempt to be sure to make ourselves relevant and indispensable....

After her posts of today, I realize that she is nothing more than hot air, the attention-seeker, because s he can no longer do the damage or emotional pain that she once did.  There are a few characteristics that I have noticed in her posts; her claims of victimology, her unravelings, her mental attempt to validate bad behavior.  It has been become comical in nature; her "ownership" of me. Our adult bully's motivation is to be the center of attention.  She claims that her blog hosts 450,000 followers.  Exaggeration but her mindet is to be a control freak, to manipulate, a form of narcissism.  Her malice level when held accountable is very high and she even attempts at feeble death threats. We have found her to be the following: Emotionally immature. Selectively friendly; is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest. She is cold and agressive towards anyone who sees them for what they areally are or e...

I love making recipes from scratch .. Isn't this the way that we start a new day?  From scratch; from the very beginning, a new chapter, a new story, the movement forward a clear path.  What happens when other persons do not allow for a new day, a new way, second chances? Adult bullies love to reveal the shortcomings and mistakes of others.  It seems to make them feel superior.  It can make one uncomfortable if they let it.   Remember, being bullied by an adult is not like a bully in middle school slapping the books out of your hand or tripping you in the hallway.  An adult bully is calculating and cruel.  Our adult bully has been on her life-long journey to humiliate, embarrass, harass, victimize, and the list of words can go on.  She <giggles> at the misfortune of others; not just me but those she thinks breaks the law.  Little known is her struggles with law enforcement and the justice system.  Ka...

This is a blog post that was stolen by my cyber stalker from Google.  She used my personal information to convince them that she was me .. To date, she still tells the world that she owns the blog and my writing.  This is what she does and her behavior.  It is okay; she simply cannot help herself.  She calls me "Hortence" in her writings in order to try and not violate an injunction against her.  Except From CandidCanda .. Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does .. Just because a belief is a belief that is sufficient enough for you to feel strong about, it does not mean that everyone around you will receive it. Think about all of the times that you have experienced in your life in which some people just refused to hear or try to understand what a person was saying that made absolute logical sense because they were more than likely thinking irrationally.  Thank you, dear stalker and bully, I am grateful that you will l...

I was reading an interesting article about female children who turned into adult women and continued to bully.  What happens as female bullies get older is that they become more sophisticated and they begin terrorizing one or others.  We found this to be particularly true as we found out the childhood horror stories of our adult woman bully.   If not in control of a situation, they can become outraged and violent.  We have experienced such rants and I am sure we will continue to do so.  As adults, we have full control over how we live our lives and the people we allow in our lives.  I have discovered that our woman bully is projecting her own insecurities on me.  For example, she told the public that she owns 8 homes in three states.  Yet, she cried to our attorney that she owns nothing.  In her divorce, she signed over an old mobile home attached to her former husband's home.  She claims to be self-employed and yet is to hol...

 It can be difficult to get past your adult bully.  Continual reminders can be everywhere along with the bully who continues in the battle.  This week we looked through pages of final draft as we move forward in the legal process once again.  Passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself everywhere in online social media, texting video, email, and on-line discussions.  Identity theft is prevalent in our case and will be easy to showcase in court.  Anna Maria Chavez wrote, "Cyber bullies do not need physical access to their victims to do unimaginable harm". Bullies are common in their physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse.  Unless we set strong and effective boundaries, the bully will continue and intensify the abuse.  Getting past the adult bully can take time and great effort. Someone who hates you normally hates your for one of three reasons; they see you as a threat (she wanted a man that, at the time, she could not have a...

The story of what has happened in my past does not change.  But the power I give to it has changed.   I have stopped justifying the anger because life is much happier with resentment and the time spent in trying to remember the details.  Unfortunately, sometimes events from the past have a mind of their own.  Maybe there are people who make it difficult for your to forget your past and move on.  Memories keep recirculating when all you want is for them to disappear!  It is not easy to take responsibility for your own happiness but when you do, what is revealed is happiness and peace. When you think about it, the past isn't really about the past.  Memories of events are thoughts that are occurring in the now, the present.  Anger or hurt about the past happens now.  It is how you present the moment experience that keeps the past alive. What is amazing about this understanding is that the way out of suffering is your attitude about ...

We have been discussing how it is not easy to be a bully.  As the last weeks have progressed and we have experienced more and more of the hostility of a bully, we have found that a bully doesn't want to be bullied.  Often they bully so they won't be bullied and choosing what seems to be the weakest.   Of course, the fear of a bully is meeting her match.  For many months, I was told to ignore this particular bully but she was insistent.  What if the person she picks on decides to fight back or make her look bad?  This is why she often has an entourage; a support group to encourage and be miserable with.  I had to laugh just today at the comments made.  When my blogs are read, and maybe the truth hurts, retaliation with innuendos and falsehoods are generated.  I have a friend that is dealing with her bully so my blogs are about adult bullies in general no one in particular.   One interesting aspect of an adult bully is that they are...

You may not have heard alot about Adult Bullying , but it is becoming a serious problem.  If you have kept up with my blogs, you have read some of my experiences with my woman adult bully.  Yes, an adult, and should know better.  One thing to remember is that as people mature and progress through life, they learn to stop such behaviors in their youth.  Sadly, some adult bullies are just children bullies who have grown up.  While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, it is still adult bullying just the same! Our Adult Bully has been a blessing to us!  It is surprising what makes her "tick".  And I have learned a few secrets about her that have helped us understand her sadness and loneliness.  Other emotional issues are involved but it should never be an absolute excuse for cruelty and bad behavior towards others.  It is like keeping your dog on a chain and enticing it to freedom! Remember, ...

There is a story that goes  ..  A man saw a snake being burned to death and decided to take it out of the fire. When he did, the snake bit him causing excruciating pain. The man dropped the s nake, and the reptile fell right back into the fire.  So, the man grabbed a metal pole took the snake out of the fire and saved its life.  Someone who was watching approached the man and said: “That snake bit you. Why are you still trying to save it?” The man replied, “The nature of the snake is to bite, but that's not gonna change my nature, which is to help.” Moral of the Story :  Do not change your nature simply because someone harms you. Do not lose your good heart, only learn to take precautions. When it comes to being bullied, the same kind of care is applied.  I have survived the worst of the worst; our bully called and wrote our employment, wrote our family members, publicly humiliated via the internet, built website after website, and taun...

The past few days have been crazy days.  My poor husband has been up and down and down again in his health.  Between an ER and doctor visit, it has been busy.  These are the type of days that can be discouraging.  Whether it is a negative coworker, an exhausting friendship, or a challenging family member, there are times when we just want to give up on people and feel as though all of our love and patience has run out.  My husband did not fall into this category of discouragement and despair, but there were a few others that did.  There is that obstacle of loving people who are hard to love.  I believe in these circumstances we need to be reminded of the truth, of the reality that we have access to a love that is always giving, selfless, real, and true. Our ability to love is a heart issue.  We have to realize that there are times that we may have the completely wrong definition of love.  To have true love is action, it takes...

Today I was "counting my blessings" and writing them down in my gratitude journal.  I do this about 4:30am and before starting the chores.  It is true that happy people choose to focus on the positive parts of their lives.  I set specific reason to be grateful.  One day, after I am gone, my children will read the journals and rejoice, that even in the times that were hard, Mom always was grateful for the blessings, no matter how small. I think one of the most important aspects to choosing happiness is your smile.  Smiling is infectious.  More than that, it is a known fact that making a smiley face carries influence over feelings.  Today was a good day to smile; it is a good doctor's report for my husband. So I am programming my self to experience happiness by making a commitment to smile.  And, today, walking around the grocery store, I had people smile back! Self-talk is important in the gratitude process.  Daily affirmations can beco...