Candid Canda

  My husband and I watched a limited series this weekend entitled, Little Fires Everywhere . Peace and harmony may be the goal for most families, but dysfunction is common and insidious and arrives in many forms. Family quarrels, grudges, and estrangements can have lasting effects, sometimes following members into old age. When one family member contends with a problem such as mental illness or alcohol, the entire household is impacted. In a dysfunctional home, there is normally no sense of unity or empathy or boundaries, and members can be highly critical of one another. This is what happened in this series when the mother decided what was correct for all members of her family and not acknowledging that each person within the family unit is individual in thought, action, and deed. I realize after years and years of rationalization, my mother did not love me, let alone like me. My brothers did no wrong and received her love and devotion. The reason why some mothers hate their d...

I love watching the sunrise.  Our world is covered in snow and the sun’s rays glitter across the beautiful fields and colors our surroundings.  It warms my heart and brightens my day! This past week has been a week of realization and courage.  I have had to downplay my thoughts that this is not a world of second changes.  Whatever mistakes that one makes far reach more than the successes.   The mistakes travel far and reaching like a snowball gaining speed on a downhill travel.  Facts are exaggerated, revenge is stated, and the stories become as large as the snowball gaining speed on its downward spiral. Why are there people who wish to squelch one’s desire to move ahead, improve emotionally and intellectually?   Jealously, revenge, self-betrayal?   I was taunted to move ahead in my career and I did.  Yet, a coward decided to contact my new employment and degrade me to my superiors.   Of course, anonymous is a t...

Fixation is an obsessive interest in or feeling about someone or something.  We experience fixation every day by our cyber bully.  She is fixated on my life and me.  When bullying occurs, people often place the blame on the victim.  Most of the time they falsely believe that if the victim of bullying were somehow different, then bullying wouldn't happen. Bullying is never the target's fault.  They do not need to change or be different in some way to avoid being bullies.   Change is always the bully's responsibility. It can be true that there are some things that can help deter bullying like developing social skills and building self-esteem.  There is the harsh truth that anyone can become a victim of bullying.  There are a number of reasons why bullies target others. and I realize at this moment, none of the reason's are the victim's fault.  Our cyber publicly engages victim blaming and asserts that the victim is bullying h...

I work in a school that is in session Monday through Thursday so I have Fridays to do as I wish.  Since the weather people stated that it would be a sunny, warm day, I was up early working in our yard.  The grass is beginning to get tall.  Before Winter of last year, we had the entire (1 acre) yard thatched and fertilized.  It has done its work.  Our yard will be beautiful!  I raked up old leaves and dead branches, tilled two flower beds, tilled an area where our peppers, onions, and tomatoes are being planted and stacked more firewood from a tree that had to be taken down.  I had all of this accomplished by the afternoon and made supper for my family. Each of us have a defined purpose.  We learn to develop and use our talents, resources, abilities and passions to held us decide what our purpose is.  We may stray a bit and make mistakes along the way but it is our journey alone.  When a mean person injects themselve...

After her posts of today, I realize that she is nothing more than hot air, the attention-seeker, because s he can no longer do the damage or emotional pain that she once did.  There are a few characteristics that I have noticed in her posts; her claims of victimology, her unravelings, her mental attempt to validate bad behavior.  It has been become comical in nature; her "ownership" of me. Our adult bully's motivation is to be the center of attention.  She claims that her blog hosts 450,000 followers.  Exaggeration but her mindet is to be a control freak, to manipulate, a form of narcissism.  Her malice level when held accountable is very high and she even attempts at feeble death threats. We have found her to be the following: Emotionally immature. Selectively friendly; is sickly sweet to some people, rude and offhand to others, and ignores the rest. She is cold and agressive towards anyone who sees them for what they areally are or e...

An arrow flings and grazes one of your hidden, vulnerable spots. The rawness of the impact brings a long dormant facet of yourself to light. A gush of new insights rushes out. You could see how some of your dearest values grate against your ideals. For now, simply acknowledge the incompatibility instead of resolving it. Quick solutions, while attractive, may obfuscate more than they heal. Be gracious with yourself and your heart. One of the most important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage and determination to let go of what can't be changed. Because, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself ... to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything.  I have been experiencing blessings beyond belief.  We experienced a speed bump from our bully/stalker but I understand her hatred, her revenge, her unhappiness, and her unwillingness to take charge of her own life and pursue better....

I love making recipes from scratch .. Isn't this the way that we start a new day?  From scratch; from the very beginning, a new chapter, a new story, the movement forward a clear path.  What happens when other persons do not allow for a new day, a new way, second chances? Adult bullies love to reveal the shortcomings and mistakes of others.  It seems to make them feel superior.  It can make one uncomfortable if they let it.   Remember, being bullied by an adult is not like a bully in middle school slapping the books out of your hand or tripping you in the hallway.  An adult bully is calculating and cruel.  Our adult bully has been on her life-long journey to humiliate, embarrass, harass, victimize, and the list of words can go on.  She <giggles> at the misfortune of others; not just me but those she thinks breaks the law.  Little known is her struggles with law enforcement and the justice system.  Ka...

This is a blog post that was stolen by my cyber stalker from Google.  She used my personal information to convince them that she was me .. To date, she still tells the world that she owns the blog and my writing.  This is what she does and her behavior.  It is okay; she simply cannot help herself.  She calls me "Hortence" in her writings in order to try and not violate an injunction against her.  Except From CandidCanda .. Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does .. Just because a belief is a belief that is sufficient enough for you to feel strong about, it does not mean that everyone around you will receive it. Think about all of the times that you have experienced in your life in which some people just refused to hear or try to understand what a person was saying that made absolute logical sense because they were more than likely thinking irrationally.  Thank you, dear stalker and bully, I am grateful that you will l...

I was reading an interesting article about female children who turned into adult women and continued to bully.  What happens as female bullies get older is that they become more sophisticated and they begin terrorizing one or others.  We found this to be particularly true as we found out the childhood horror stories of our adult woman bully.   If not in control of a situation, they can become outraged and violent.  We have experienced such rants and I am sure we will continue to do so.  As adults, we have full control over how we live our lives and the people we allow in our lives.  I have discovered that our woman bully is projecting her own insecurities on me.  For example, she told the public that she owns 8 homes in three states.  Yet, she cried to our attorney that she owns nothing.  In her divorce, she signed over an old mobile home attached to her former husband's home.  She claims to be self-employed and yet is to hol...

 It can be difficult to get past your adult bully.  Continual reminders can be everywhere along with the bully who continues in the battle.  This week we looked through pages of final draft as we move forward in the legal process once again.  Passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself everywhere in online social media, texting video, email, and on-line discussions.  Identity theft is prevalent in our case and will be easy to showcase in court.  Anna Maria Chavez wrote, "Cyber bullies do not need physical access to their victims to do unimaginable harm". Bullies are common in their physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse.  Unless we set strong and effective boundaries, the bully will continue and intensify the abuse.  Getting past the adult bully can take time and great effort. Someone who hates you normally hates your for one of three reasons; they see you as a threat (she wanted a man that, at the time, she could not have a...

The story of what has happened in my past does not change.  But the power I give to it has changed.   I have stopped justifying the anger because life is much happier with resentment and the time spent in trying to remember the details.  Unfortunately, sometimes events from the past have a mind of their own.  Maybe there are people who make it difficult for your to forget your past and move on.  Memories keep recirculating when all you want is for them to disappear!  It is not easy to take responsibility for your own happiness but when you do, what is revealed is happiness and peace. When you think about it, the past isn't really about the past.  Memories of events are thoughts that are occurring in the now, the present.  Anger or hurt about the past happens now.  It is how you present the moment experience that keeps the past alive. What is amazing about this understanding is that the way out of suffering is your attitude about ...

We have been discussing how it is not easy to be a bully.  As the last weeks have progressed and we have experienced more and more of the hostility of a bully, we have found that a bully doesn't want to be bullied.  Often they bully so they won't be bullied and choosing what seems to be the weakest.   Of course, the fear of a bully is meeting her match.  For many months, I was told to ignore this particular bully but she was insistent.  What if the person she picks on decides to fight back or make her look bad?  This is why she often has an entourage; a support group to encourage and be miserable with.  I had to laugh just today at the comments made.  When my blogs are read, and maybe the truth hurts, retaliation with innuendos and falsehoods are generated.  I have a friend that is dealing with her bully so my blogs are about adult bullies in general no one in particular.   One interesting aspect of an adult bully is that they are...